That is all.

I go back to work tomorrow! Yay! Kind of!

I'ma go in 2 hours early for overtime, too. And try to muster up courage for the conversation I'll be having with my supervisor and HR. Part of me wants to take my psychologist's advice and switch teams, part of me knows it's only paranoia and I want to stay with my team so that I can still be with David and Heather. We've been together since I started working there in one way or another, and it would suck ass to be in the same department but on different teams. I know, I know. Security blankets aren't forever and I shouldn't be so afraid of change.

"Recommend team change to eliminate perceived stressors" is what Dr. Parra wrote on her recommendation for leave. They're certainly stressors. I know the paranoid schizophrenic diagnosis is being tossed around. I don't like that. But the Abilify gets rid of what I call "The Static" in my head. It's incredibly quiet without it, but I don't think that's such a bad thing. Dr. Parra says it's a major plus that I said I was comfortable with taking medication for it and recognized that I am more functional while taking it. She said it's a huge sign of health, amidst everything else. So that's making me really happy. I don't ever want to get to the point of having to be hospitalized because I've become so dysfunctional I won't take my meds on my own. She says that's unlikely to happen, so yay.

Debating taking an Ambien and getting some more sleep. I've been crashing hard at 8-9 pm, but still need sleep aids to GET me to sleep, and even Ambien CR won't KEEP me asleep. Would be good to be able to go in tomorrow fresh. Pharmacist gave me a hard time when I picked up my prescriptions last night. I realize Lorazepam is Schedule II, but he looked at me like I was taking it recreationally.

I mean I might be something of a nihilist but as soon as I start recreationally taking drugs to not feel anything someone please put me out of my misery. I don't recommend a Lorazepam down for anyone who doesn't have anxiety issues. Anywho. Dunno why I wrote this. Just wanted to vent I guess.

Abilify makes me restless. Like restless legs syndrome all over my body. I think it's called akathisia or summat. I'm still not sure if the ends is worth the side effect.

I have no concept of time anymore. I have huge memory blanks. I'm losing my grip >.< I don't know why I'm saying all of this except I am extremely antsy and need to do SOMEthing until my Ambien kicks in.

Pharmacy thinks I'm a drug addict because I called in my lorazepam too early. >.>

The first ten folks to comment on this post get a FREE SKETCH!

The only payment is that you must also make a post in your journal offering 10 free sketches and so on

...But really I just want an excuse to draw something for someone It will even possibly be colored!

Not that I'm complaining, per se, but I notice my more recent drawings of the WoW variety have been getting lots of favs but no comments. Not that that in itself is a big deal...if you don't have anything to say, you don't have anything to say. But it is odd, to me, to have a work favorited often but no one commenting on it in any way, good or bad, critique, or whatever.

So I go to the pages of those who fav'ed me, yeah? And like, half of them are like fav bots. Or something. I go to their comments section and I see a wall of "TY 4 TEH FAV!! <3333" type comments all within minutes of each other. And then I think of the late great CS-Chan. She would fav TONS of artwork so that she would get loads of pageviews from people coming to say thanks.

I really hope that's not what's happening here. I like to think my stuff gets fav'ed because people (for whatever reason o_o) like what they're fav'ing. It's just suspicious that most of those who favorited those pieces have that kind of apparent mas-fav'ing history. If you go to thank someone for a fav and you see their comments section reads:

5 seconds ago: Thanks for the fav!

3 minutes ago: Hey, thanks for the fav! <3

5 minutes ago: OMG Thanks for the fav!

7 minutes ago: TY for the fav!

11 minutes ago: Thanks for the fav!

12 minutes ago: Thanks for the fav!!!!

15 minutes ago: Thankies for teh fav!!

...and so on, ad nauseum. Wouldn't you be a little weirded out?


I called in today. Blargh.